You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
why is half of my head shaved?
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