He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
