Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
