Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
