Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
