It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
