Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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