no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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