I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
