I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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