ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
