Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she told me i tasted like america
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
