have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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