Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
