Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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