Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Randomize
