I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
