Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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