I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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