i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
