just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
