Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
