I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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