I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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