I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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