the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
