there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
