I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
