Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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