i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
