Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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