"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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