Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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