I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I intend to get homeless drunk
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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