Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
