Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
