dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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