I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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