Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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