Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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