i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the room spins SO much faster in panama
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
