Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
