My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
