And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
