Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
