Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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