I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
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PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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