Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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