all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize