R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Less talking, more tequila
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
