at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
