i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
