Pappa wants mamma naked
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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