The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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