Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
