If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up under a house in Key West
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