thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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